Hey Everyone! Have surely missed writing here for some time but i guess its just human for me to connect with my heart and have something worthy to share than to write theories, right? Though there has been a lot happening that i could have blogged but then again, the upcoming Summer Road Trip is taking the best of me now and has kept me all tied up.
But this i am compelled to write because i'm sure some Parent can emphatize with the situation i'm in now ands perharps we can help each other out as usual.
My son and i have been going through some correction opinions lately and i just dont feel that my advices or methods are going down well with him. Not that i expect him to smile through the process but i have learnt to listen to his heart over time that i can tell when we have connected and are on the same page........reactions are a different story altogether, though.
I notice that he seem to be questioning authorities a lot lately and argues that he's standing up for what he believes and want to speak for himself, which is okay but that seems to drag along with it a whole lot of drama and controversies in the school and amongs friends that i worry that he will soon get himself labelled as the most controversial dude or the drama king in school if he doesn't stop.
It hurts me as a Parent to hear noises around when he asked to do something and he wants to understand why first or wants to prove 'he doesn't feel like it'.
In her book on Parenting, Joanne Millers agrees that 'children can develop the opinion that correction is an attack and that they must defend themselves at all costs. They believe that correction means weakness and weakeness must be hidden. Blaming someone else is considered insightful and pointing to others factors that seem to cause the problem may seem matured. Justifying, rationalizing and blaming are ways children skirt the issue and misscorrection benefits'
Parents in turn can become frustrated and add to the problem by correcting in counterproductive ways........like i have found myself yelling and critising because i am shocked or embarrased by my child's action which even makes him more defensive.
Now i have to check my intention as a parent and ask myself if my correction methods are achieving their values or minizing it. When i yell at my son in reaction to a bad behaviour, i realise i am not very different or doing better than him. If i can't control myself enough to drive a point in without throwing tantrums, then i feel like an hypocrite who cannot see beyond the situation and expects my son to do the same.
Being a parent comes with the responsibilty of looking beyond the surface and helping our kids know that correction is valuable and is a gift......to realise that the opportunity in every unpleasant situation our kids get into as one to instill correction in love, not as a policeman or a judge who just reads out the consequences of their action. Of course, there are consequences for actions but we must let them know our goal is deeper than that.
We cannot give up easily either because our kids reaction can make us feel tired, embarassed and rejected. Look inside your heart and check your methods to be sure correction is abour discipline and not just punishment.
Joanne recommends that correction is easier to accept if features a clear sense of identity , humility and a vision to grow.
Cheers
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