'Lean on me' ....... gone wrong!

I have this ornament in my house that reads 'Friends touch our lives in very beautiful ways….....can't remember what prompted me to buy it but I’m almost sure some sweet friendship memories inspired the purchase. Friendship is life and life is about friendship and not very many people will deny that.

In a teens gathering recently we had to deal with the issue of friendship and as always it was an interactive session which revealed some truth about how young people choose or make friends. Everyone loves to hang out with those they have shared interest and it is almost common knowledge that tweens love this as well and they totally want to protect the bonds they have found. What might be worrisome though are the criteria by which these friends chosen and clique formed.

I have found out that tweens generally get easily influenced by common interest found in someone and sometimes it is something they lack but admire in another person which explains why they obsess about celebrities. The look of someone, the kind of clothes, the latest PSP, ability to stand up for themselves or even some rebellious act in school  can draw a tweens attention and influence who they roll with.

With the amount of influence friends can have on your teenager, it is important to know where that recent development in their attitude are from whether positive or negative.  You want to be sure that your wards are influenced for the right reasons no matter how positive the influence may appear.

An influence gone bad needs careful management so your tween does not consider you insensitive and not caring …….. afterall even adults run into bad relationships once in a while. Your honest assessment of the situation will re-emphasize your interest in your tweens emotional growth and not a fair weather parent or guardian.

Cheers

 Timsyn

HOW FAST IS THIS GOING TO GET????......

If you are reading this, then it means you responded to my request on facebook and the least i can say is 'Thank you'.....not very many people will take any post serious just because their friend shared it.

Well, this happens to be something i've always wanted to do for reasons that i think my writing is better my talking or because it is my passion or calling, and perhaps for the fact that i want to feel like a young person forever (doesn't everyone?). ...but seriously, have you  noticed how quickly kids transform into teens.....and teens into young adults these days?.....just in case you haven't.....look around you the next time you visit your salon and observe that 'chic' getting her nails done.

My point is that this generation is on a fast track with everything from information to fashion to music and so much more to the point we don't even know what direction things might turn next. The greater worry is not the fastness though but the disconnect that this  evolution is dragging along with it. We now constantly have to deal with kids stuck on gadgets more often than doing an outdoor activity or having time spent a little brother or bonding with family, and i absolutely do no think it's because they don't want to but that there is such a misconception around that dictates the lifestyle of young people and to not follow that route is almost as if they are aliens and it does not feel 'normal' not to be on that roller-coaster.

Constant dealings i have had with the young people at different focus groups actually affirms that teenager and young people will love to spend time with 'humans' rather than gadets and yes maybe not the kind of time when you tell them how things were 'much better' in your school days....but when they can have valuable conversation with you on happenings in their world and enjoying you not judging but listening and guiding. To do contrary is to have your teen 'endure' your scoldings and judgement and promise themselves never to ever tell you anything about their life ever again!

Un-African as i may sound, i urge you to let your guard down a little bit and reach your young ones heart so you can guide them through the craziness all around.

Cheers

'Timsyn'

 P.S : Your comments will make me feel very encouraged and might help other readers too!

Questions,questions......and less questions!

"We all do not know exactly whether each of us needs help or not because we all live in different situations. One thing we all do know is; "We only need help when we have no answers to our questions, when there is no one to answer them for us, when we have done things wrong and believe we can not turn them around" Many of us have alot of questions and answers that we need to know to help us understand why things happen as they happen, where has all the help gone.?"

This was the post of an african youth on Unicef's Voiceofyouth.org on the 12th of this month which i found particularly interesting because i have found in it a prove for this piece i'm about to share.......(will have to do this notwithstanding the mood swing some of my essential keypads are experiencin now..lol)

Someone once said "if you do not take time to ask and wrestle with some life's questions, you run the risk of others answering them for you" Cultivating an inquisitive mind is an important skill in life and not settling for an easy answer are habits and discipline that should be developed especially in kids and young adults. It actually seem to come naturally for kids in this generation but it fades out as they grow into the teen years and parents now are the ones pestering but they often get the one-word answers.

The earlier generations apparently didn't do a lot of questioning....(i definitely can speak for mine), it was unconventional for young people to talk when adults were conversing and family times did not encourage such questions as well....you did not want to be shut down or punished for 'being rude', so it was better to soak it all in!

Questions express problems, define task and provoke thinking and learning.....amazing how Jesus used questions to tackle the mindset of the pharises during time (Oh yes!...he was a young adult too!). Asking questions for oneself can help us find answers that give a conviction that cannot be easily influenced.

Teenagers are a group looking for answers (obvious by 1st paragraph here) but the shortness and reducing amount of questions they ask their parents, school teacher, sunday school teacher may be due to the reaction received from those from which they seek answers.....now this is scary because when your teen stops to 'question you', it may just be an indication that they no longer trust or look up to you for guidance.

The whole point is questions are great tools for connection and communication and even though you may not have all the answers, use them to your advantage and create a common ground and a relationship with the young people in your life.

A good way to deal with not having the answer to a certain question or viewpoint is to admit that you havent given it much thought yourself but encourage the discussion to provide another opportunity to dialogue and find answers together but you will have to be committed to it.


So are you going try this or what?!